TLDR: Keep your OE endeavors lowkey to almost everyone. Refer to Chad’s Five Iron Rules to avoid sinking your ship.
I've been juggling J1 at a big-name consulting firm and J2 at a smaller one for almost 3 years. Living remote in Bangkok has let me double my pay, arbitrage different cost of livings, and allow me to travel here and there.
Information spreads fast. In OE, as I have discussed before, make information asymmetries a key tool in your toolkit (previous article on this topic here). This also applies to those outside of your jobs. Let's break it down.
Rule #1: Only Tell Your Partner
Living with someone? This is the only exception, based on your judgement. There are cases when boyfriend/girlfriends become a “crazy ex,” but I can only think of this as the extenuating case.
For some, OE also takes up additional time beyond your standard 40-hr workweek, and some explanation is warranted to your close ones if OE starts eating away into your non-work life (something we’ll cover in the future).
Rule #2: Try to Skip Telling Parents Altogether
I hate to say it, but parents chat. They boast. OE is an exercise in being lowkey, and the cost of pride can be too high for the reward.
I know a guy. Let’s call him “A,” who had been OE for eight months. He spilled the beans over Thanksgiving to his family. Turned out, his mom mentioned it to her sister during a phone call, excited about his "smart moves” as a mid 20s young professional. The aunt told her son, who also works in tech and knows folks at A’s J1. Though not immediately affected, A’s J1 is now compromised.
Rule #3: Avoid Coworkers, Period. Keep it lowkey even if you suspect they OE.
Know someone at work who seems too chill? Got some work buddies? A topic that I hope to cover one day is to always keep your co-workers at an arm’s length (I guess also a general work-related piece of advice, but it’s especially salient for OE scenarios).
Folks get mad over a missed raise, switch jobs, and have other work buddies to speak to. Assume you're solo in OE.
Bonding over OE might feel good short-term (indeed, you might not have anyone to vent to about this), but it's a trap. Your emotional investment in your colleagues is not worth half your OE paycheck.
Not just LinkedIn— be careful on Instagram, Twitter, all of it.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but avoid becoming friends with your colleagues on social media. Keep it professional only, and only during work hours. Avoid posts showing dual setups, weird schedules, or spending money that don't match your pay.
Be particularly careful about when you are online on social media if you are travelling. Having been in Bangkok for a year with US-based colleagues, I have been careful to tune 100% of my setup to reflect my “local time,” including my operating system, applications, Google location, and Outlook calendar.
Rule #5: Prep a Solid Cover Story
Someone will notice odd patterns. Good ones: "Freelance / small side hustles on the side," or "Flexible hours at work."
Keep it dull.
Stay hidden,
Chad
PS: This post is a bit different to my usual long-form essays. J2 Confidential members have since 2xed since my last post, and I am thinking of switching to a format & schedule that might better fit folks schedules. Tentatively, there will be 2-3 emails weekly, focusing on different topics. Today’s email is shorter and more tactical but the next one might focus more on personal anecdotes / stories. Feedback is always appreciated. I would appreciate if you can rate this email out of 10 below. I take feedback very seriously and hope to deliver content that is genuinely helpful.